ORIGINALLY POSTED VIA THE CUT 25/3/2013 written by Amelia Dimoldenberg
My search to find love has dramatically failed thus far so I have decided to widen my search, hopefully finding ‘the one’. So here I am in Peckham. I don’t really know how this has happened, there are numerous jokes I could make right now however I’m not going to bother. I was meant to be meeting Stylo G in some sort of chicken shop; however I ended up in a hair salon. This was a new angle to Chicken Shop Dates and I don’t know if I liked it. Anyways it turned out that this salon was owned by Stylo’s family, who Stylo introduced me to. This was already turning into something serious and I was excited. Stylo then explained that the date wasn’t going to take place in the hair salon but in a small Caribbean café next door, and so began my favourite date so far.
Hello what’s your name?
My name is Stylo G aka Call Mi A Yardie, aka The Leader.
So how many names do you have?
Sometimes I just wake up randomly and add a new one.
I only have one name, Amelia.
I like it, it sounds good, you don’t need to change it.
Thanks. What kind of music do you make?
Well my music stems from mainly reggae and dancehall but I’m a very versatile artist.
Have you ever thought about branching out into heavy metal?
No.
Okay so not that versatile. Have you ever been on a date here before?
Never.
Why?
It’s too close to home.
Where would you take a girl on a date?
I can’t give away my little date secrets.
Yes you can.
I like a quiet place; I don’t like the loud noises like hearing people eat and the fokse.
The what? The foxes?
What? No, the forks and knives.
Sorry, your accent is quite strong. Were you nervous before this date?
I don’t get nervous.
Do you get butterflies in your stomach?
I don’t get butterflies, I get cockroaches.
That’s disgusting. Your most well-known track is ‘Call Mi A Yardie’, what does Yardie mean?
Call me a Jamaican, call me outgoing and wild.
Could you call me a Yardie?
Yeah I could call you a Yardie, you’re a British Yardie.
So I’m a Yardie and you’re a Yardie.
Yeah I’ve created a new meaning, anyone can be a Yardie. We drink champagne when wi ah party, the galdem bubble up demself an they gwaan naughty.
What?
I’m just breaking it down for you.
I decided to go onto the Urban Dictionary when I got home, as I do a lot, and look up the definition of Yardie.
“Yardies are characterised by excessive jewellery, puffer-jackets, baseball caps, screeching accents and are often drawn into gunfights or knife battles.”
I mean I occasionally wear puffer jackets but I’m really not a fan of gunfights or knife battles.
Have you ever had your heart broken?
I think every man had their heart broken.
Have you ever broken someone’s heart?
No comment.
We were interrupted by the arrival of Jerk Chicken with rice and peas.
Do you like animals?
I like birds.
I hate birds.
Really? You look like a bird lover.
I didn’t know if that was a compliment or an insult so I swiftly moved on and started talking about the dead bird in front of me.
This chicken is great.
You’re really enjoying that food.
Can you teach me some more Jamaican slang?
You zimmi?
What?
Do you zimmi?
No?
Wagwan?
Hi? Yeah I know what that one is.
That’s what’s up.
Stylo then said something, something I have never heard before in my life. I have replayed the recording numerous times and I actually have no idea what he is saying. Its sounds like ‘ting shot’ but I’m completely unsure.
You shot something?
Nah. How about slap weh?
What’s that?
Slap away, like you would say slap that girl.
Why are you slapping a girl?
Haha, nah I’m not slapping no girls, I’m just giving an example. Were you dashin it out at carnival last year?
Was it what? Is that an insult?
Were you going wild and crazy?
I guess so.
Were you dashing it out or was you flashing it out?
I was definitely not flashing it out.
TING TURN UP.
Stop now. If you had to give this date a mark out of 10 what would it be?
Well the date hasn’t finished yet.
Yes it has.
I don’t know what’s going to happen after, but my phone’s still here without your number in it.
Find out more about Stylo G here http://stylog.co.uk/
