THE FREAKY A-Z OF MODERN LIFE: HAPPINESS
What the hell is happiness?
In London happiness is having a fucking roof over your head mate.
It’s a battle. Happiness vs. sadness. Happiness vs. anger. Happiness vs. sexual frustration. Happiness vs. insecurity to no end. What are these troughs and peaks? Sometimes I’m like ‘wow, ultimate happiness’ then I look at other parts of my life and it’s like WTF! Somebody bought me a Terry’s Chocolate Orange and half the segments were thin air. You have to laugh, or maybe cry bitch. Let it all out.
Don’t rain on my parade
And I don’t care what you say…happiness can be bought. Limitless money = limitless opportunity.
Consider this statement with bags of money: ‘Oh my god I’m feeling a bit sad’…
You open your wallet and look at all those black cards. Damn. You get on a private jet to Las Vegas / Monte Carlo / sinful paradise of your choice. When you get off there’s sunshine everywhere, people wearing clothes made of money, swimming pools full of Evian water, 2Pac on a sun lounger. Plus everybody loves that person ordering Patron by the bottle regardless of personality. What the hell is lonely?
Consider this statement with bags of debt and rain beating on the window: ‘Oh my god I’m feeling a bit sad’…
You open your wallet – oh look nothing but lint and its been like that for fucking weeks. Fucking lovely. You don’t even have a car and when you get to Tesco Express you’re piss wet through and your card gets declined for a loaf of bread. Some guys being sick on the pavement and its only 5pm. You call your mates and they’re all busy. WAHWAHWAH.
‘Keep the faith’
Don’t get me wrong. You can be poor and happy. I’ve got to the stage in my head where I just pretend I’m living lifestyle one where I’m deep in vogue with lifestyle two. It’s all a fucking mirage. Ask MJ. Money is little bastard anyway. He ended up blowing half his money faster than infinity on rollercoasters and parrots just to end up climbing trees and doing interviews with white tape on the ends of his fingers. God rest his soul.
It ain’t all bad though. Here’s a few bits of happiness’n’hope from the irregular down’n’out like me:
- Having enough money to pay your phone bill
- The frozen margarita you downed is missing from the bill when its time to settle up
- Waking up at 7am for work and realizing it’s a Saturday morning
- Watching people’s expressions as they pick up dog shit
- A stormy sea (now that shit is empowering)
- Meeting somebody I don’t hate
- Summer vacation at the Black Lodge with Agent Dale Cooper massaging essential oils into my back (never going to happen)
- Looking at photos of palm trees to stay warm
- Real tree camo
When all else fails – floor drugs and happy hardcore.
