It’s been a weird week in hell.
Definitely not normal.
So called ‘Disney Princess’ Miley Vyrus got her chops around a chocolate penis cake in LA, supposedly belonging to boyfriend ‘Liam’, then proceeds to attack it with a sharp knife. There’s quite a few things wrong here. A) Her boyfriend is Caucasian. The cake is clearly not. B) Is that a butthole made of caviar? C) PENIS ENVY MUCH?
Simon Cowell’s outlined plans to start a DJ talent show with none other than….Will Smith and Jada Pinkett???!!!! I don’t think I need to go much further with this, but I can name a few desperate c–ts from Manchester who are already camping out at Old Trafford for the auditions. I love playing a few tunes out on a Friday night, but this is basically going to be sixty minutes of two-bit hipster wash outs throwing themselves on the floor in a paddy and screaming “BUT PLAYING OTHER PEOPLES RECORDS IS MY PASSION – I CAN’T DO ANYTHING ELSE”.
A 17 year old girl lassie from Birmingham collapsed after eating nothing but McChicken Nugget meals since the age of two. I’m surprised she hasn’t turned into a chicken and flown off into THE LAND OF CULINARY MORONS. McChicken Nuggets aren’t even nice. She could at least upped the ante and lived off nothing but Chicken Selects with sour cream and chive dipping sauce for her calcium intake. Her favourite pastime is going to the Golden Arches with her boyfriend and mutually gorging on a 20 piece meal with fries. I bet their sex life is FANTASTIC.
Until next week….
